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Phineas and Ferb Ep. 20/Put That Putter Away/Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat?
(Song: Phineas and Ferb Theme Song) There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation Then school comes along just to end it So the annual problem for our generation Is finding a good way to spend it Like maybe... Building a rocket Or fighting a mummy Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower Discovering something that doesn't exist Phineas: Hey! or giving a monkey a shower Surfing tidal waves Creating nanobots Or locating Frankenstein's brain Phineas: It's over here! Finding a dodo bird Painting a continent Or driving our sister insane Candace: Phineas''!'' As you can see, There's a whole lot of stuff to do before school starts this fall Phineas Come on Perry! So stick with us 'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! So stick with us 'Cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! Candace: Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! Part I (Scene opens up in Candace's room.) Stacy: Hey, Candace. When I heard you were sick, I came right over. Today I am your servant. Candace: (Hoarsely) Gosh. What a good friend. (Coughs) Stacy: I brought you a get-well package. Miso soup-- heats itself, don't ask-- Who Wants to Be a Total Idiot 3, and rocky road ice cream! You don't want everything to be good. And you don't have to worry about your brothers - your mom says they're off playing miniature golf. (Scoffs) How lame is that? (At Little Duffers) Phineas: Hey, guys. What gives? Isabella: Little Duffers has closed its doors forever. And I was all set to destroy you on the mini links. Buford: I was gonna bury you on the fairway. Baljeet: Metaphorically, right? Buford: Oh, yeah, right. Phineas: But how can they close Little Duffers? I've been coming here since I was little. Littler, anyway. Huh? (♪ Bagpipes) Owner: (Scottish accent) Sorry, lads, but Little Duffers is officially out of business. Phineas: But this is the only miniature golf course in Danville. Owner: Aye. People just don't respect the game anymore. They think it's just golf in miniature. But it's not! It's miniature golf. All: Gosh. Phineas: It's a sad thing when a town loses a major sports franchise. Owner: But kids today only go for the stuff that's all shiny and new and high-tech. Ah, the Scotsman in me tells me (♪ Bagpipes) to hold on stubbornly to the bitter end! But then again, I'm half Irish. (♪ Irish dance) (On a street) Phineas: That's too bad. This was the perfect day for miniature golf. Hey, everyone, I know what we're gonna do today. (At the Flynn-Fletcher house) Phineas: (to Linda) Hi, Mom. We'll be out back building a miniature golf course. Linda: That's fine, dear. After all, it's only golf in miniature. (In Candace's room a cranking sound is heard) Candace: (Hoarsely) What's that? Stacy: Your brothers own a giant crane? No way! Candace: They are so bu... bu... bu... (Writes on a notepad then hands it to Stacy) Stacy: What's this? Dancing weasels? (Candace rotates the notepad) Oh, "busted." Oh, you want me to bust your brothers. You know, you really gotta work on your penmanship. Candace: (Hoarsely) Find out what they're up to and report back to me. Stacy: No problemo. I'll handle it. Candace: Ah-ah... achoo! (In the backyard) Phineas: (Gasps) Awesome plan. We should be finished before lunch. Stacy: Listen up, twerps. Just because Candace is sick doesn't mean you can get away with anything. I am now her eyes, ears and mouth. Basically I'm her whole face. Phineas: What a good friend. Stacy: Yeah, right? She wrote you this message. Phineas: Hmm... Weasels. I think she means it. Stacy: I knew they were weasels! So anyway, what's all this? Phineas: We're only making the greatest miniature golf course in the whole world! Or at least in Danville. Stacy: Isn't it kind of big? Phineas: Well, you know, it isn't golf in miniature. (In Candace's room) Stacy: It's miniature golf! And it's so unbelievably cool! With a windmill and a dinosaur, and – Candace: (Hoarsely) You must not be seduced by the coolness! Focus! Stacy: You're right. I can do this if I stay focused. Focus, focus, focus! Hey, where's Perry? ♪ Dooby, dooby, doo ♪ ♪ Dooby, dooby, doo ♪ Major Monogram: Just looking over your request for vacation time. We're ready to approve it, but there's one small problem. And by "small problem," I mean "big problem." And by "approve it," I mean "deny it." Sorry, Agent P. I know you've been putting in a lot of extra hours, but we've got word that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has bought a new house in the suburbs. Three bedroom, two and a half baths, central air. Nice place. We need you to find out what he's up to. Here's his new address. Good luck, Agent P. ♪ Perry! ♪ ♪ Doofenshmirtz's house in the suburbs! ♪ (In the backyard) Stacy: Okay. Focus, focus, focus. You can do this, Stacy. Don't get seduced by the coolness. Wuh-oh. "Elevator to the coolness"? (Steps on to the elevator) This is so cool! Phineas: Okay, Ferb, you're up. Stacy: Phineas. Phineas: Oh. Hey, Stacy. What do you think of our miniature golf course? Stacy: It's so... I mean, I've come to deliver a message with an unimpressed demeanor. Phineas: Cool. We're on our way to the next hole. Why don't you come along? Stacy: Well, okay, but-- Phineas: Great! (Song: Quirky Worky Song) ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup -di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Di-di-di-di-dee-da Da-da-da-da-da ♪ Phineas: So, Stacy, what was it you were gonna tell us? Stacy: Oh, right, well, Candace is gonna... call...! ♪ Soodyupdiddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ Stacy: What kind of hole is this, anyway? Phineas: It's the air hockey hole. Check it out. Stacy: Wicked! Buford: Hey, look at us. We're glidin' on air. (bell rings) Stacy: Hole in one! I mean, goal! I mean... Stacy: Yeah! We all, like, freaked out! Can you believe it? Candace: (Hoarsely) No, no, I can't. Did you, by any chance, tell them I was going to call mom? Stacy: Uh, I was gonna, but the elevator and the slide, and... Candace: (Hoarsely) Hush! Focus! We need evidence! Two words: video phone. (Doofenshmirtz's house in the suburbs) Male Voice: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. Translated into evil. Chapter one. "Tom Sawyer's dislike of Aunt Polly was rivaled only by his hatred of puppies." Doofenshmirtz: Waah! Oof! Perry the Platypus! You scared the dunkelschtup out of me! Don't you know it's rude to bust in on someone's new home unannounced and... (Gasps) A housewarming gift? Oh, how thoughtful! How thoughtful. Thank you. Look, Perry the Platypus, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not really up to anything terribly nasty today. So, you're welcome to chill out here for the day. It's nice, huh? Huh? What do you think? If you need, I'll even sign something that says I was up to no good. (At the miniature golf course) ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-e-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Di-di-di-di-dee-da da-da-da-da-da ♪ (Bell dings) (Buford screams) Stacy: Are you catching this? Candace: (Hoarsely) Yes! Yes! This time we've got them, but you need get the boys in the picture. (Giggles then Coughs) Phineas: There you are. We've been looking all over for you. Stacy: Me? Phineas: You gotta play through. Stacy: Hold this. Candace: (Hoarsely) Stacy, what are you doing? Focus! Phineas: Nice focus. Candace: (Hoarsely) Aahh! Stacy: What was that? Phineas: Sounds like the crowd's going wild. Stacy: That is so cool! Candace: (Hoarsely) Aah! ♪ i-di-di-di-d- dah-dah-dah-dah ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Soodyup, diddyup di-di-di-di-dee-da ♪ ♪ Di-di-di-di-dee- dah-dah-dah-dah ♪ (bell rings) Stacy: Whoo-hoo! Yes, yes, yes! Candace: (Hoarsely) No, no, no! Phineas: Well, here we are. We’ve reached the final hole. You better put on your dancin' shoes. (Song: Disco Miniature Golfing Queen) ♪ Steppin' on the greens in her designer jeans ♪ ♪ She's a Disco Miniature Golfing Queen ♪ ♪ Wearin' plaid and sequins, she can make the scene ♪ ♪ She's a Disco Miniature Golfing Queen ♪ ♪ Like a vision for a disco golf magazine ♪ ♪ With her putter, she's a hole-in-one machine ♪ ♪ She can dance and sing and really shake her thing ♪ ♪ She's a Disco Miniature Golfing Queen ♪ ♪ She's a Disco Miniature Golfing Queen! ♪ (In Candace's room) Candace: (Hoarsely) Poor Stacy. What was I thinking? Okay, Candace. Looks like it's up to you. (She gets off her bed. As she takes tiny steps her slippers squeak) (Doofenshmirtz's house in the suburbs) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, this is nice, eh? But, you know, I don't think suburban life is for me. I'm thinking of just adding a breakfast nook and flipping the property. The main problem is my neighbor, Phil. He is truly diabolical. His fruit falls into my yard, his dog poops on my lawn, he leaves his trash cans out too long, and... Oh, I'm at my wit's end! And the worst, the absolute worst, is his leaf blower. Okay, that's it! Time to end this once and for all! And no one is stopping me! Behold, Perry the Platypus! The ultimate suburban weapon: the Atomic Leaf Blower-inator! This will be the last time his stray leaves blow onto my lawn. Yah! Aahh! Turn it off! Turn it off! Good, just like planned. Now, I'll blow every leaf onto his property! Ha-ha-ha-ha--ha-ha! Candace: (Hoarsely) At least the golf course can't vanish if they're still in it. Come on, Mom. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Phil the neighbor! (Crash) (In Linda's car) Linda: Candace, what are you doing out of bed? Wasn't Stacy taking care of you? Candace: (Hoarsely) She was seduced by the coolness. Follow that miniature golf course! Linda: What does that even mean? Candace: (Hoarsely) Look behind you! Linda: I don't see anything. (At Little Duffers) Farmer's wife: You know you should've been setting aside a portion of your profits over the years with the understatement that money would be used to upgrade your vestment. What did you think? A shiny new miniature golf course would just fall out of the sky? Owner: You'd be surprised what falls out of the sky in Danville. Linda: Oh, isn't that great? They remodeled Little Duffers. Phineas: I still don't know how we ended up at Little Duffers. Ferb: I don't know why we didn't build it here in the first place. Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. Stacy: Candace! Did you hear? I won! I actually won in miniature golf! It just goes to show you that if you focus, you can accomplish anything. (Sneezes) (The ending of the Phineas and Ferb Theme plays. Then the music suddenly stops) (In Candace's room) Stacy: Sorry, I forgot to bust your brothers. Candace: (Hoarsely) It's okay. I'm sorry I got you sick. Part II Mad scientist: You know what we're going to do today, Talbo? It's time to test the teleport! (Flips a switch, causing the teleports to activate. Talbo teleports to the one to the right, only get to singed.) Eureka! Now I can teleport myself anywhere in the world! Talbo: Wouldn't you have to take one of those teleport things there first? Oh, but then you'd already be there. It kinda renders the whole thing redundant, doesn't it? Mad scientist: Do you want me to remove your tongue again, Talbo? Phineas: Cool! (turns off TV with the remote) I know what we can do today, Ferb. (chuckles while Ferb covers his mouth with his hands) No, not the tongue thing. The teleporter. Linda: (off screen) Hey, boys. Phineas: Hey, Mom. Ferb and I are gonna build a teleport device. Linda: Oh, great. I wish to teleport to where my earrings are. I've lost them. Phineas: The dangly smoky topaz or the hoops? Linda: Hoops. Phineas: Oh, she must be wearing the blue dress. We'll keep an eye out for 'em. (at Ferb) Come on, Ferb. We're burnin' daylight. (Montage of Phineas and Ferb building the teleports. Instrumental version of the theme song plays in the background.) Phineas: Teleports completed! .... Hey, where's Perry? (In Candace's room...) Candace: (sniffs) (record scratch) Ew! (Perry wakes up) You're not supposed to be here. (Perry chatters) I told Phineas and Ferb to keep you outta my room. (kicks the bedroom door open as she's holding Perry) I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind. (Downstairs...) Candace: Mom! Do you know where Phineas and Ferb are? Linda: They're in the garage, honey. Candace: Oh, by the way, Jeremy's gonna be here soon. Please try not to embarrass me in front of him again. Linda: What do you mean, again? Candace: Remember my fifth-grade graduation with the inflatable– Linda: Oh, that's right. My bad. (In the garage...) Phineas: This is a glorious day for mankind. Ready with the camera so we can document it? .... Cheese. Candace: How many times have I told you to keep Perry out of my room?! (notices the teleports) What are those? Phineas: Teleports. Pretty cool, huh? Candace: You guys are so bus – Aah! (trips on a controller, disappears through one teleport, and appears from the other) Phineas: Cool. It worked. (at Candace) Candace? Are you OK? {Editor's Note: Until Perry and Candace switches back, I'm referring Perry in Candace's body as Perry/Candace and Candace in Perry's body as Candace/Perry.} Candace/Perry: (pointing at her brothers) Wait a second. How you guys get so big? (gasps) And why is my hand green? (takes a pink mirror from a nearby box) AHHHHHHH!!! I'M AN UGLY, SMELLY PLATYPUS!!! I'm a platypus! I'm a platypus! I'm a platypus! I'm a platypus! Phineas: Amazing. You and Perry going through the teleport at the same time must have switched your brains. Candace/Perry: Oh, you think? You guys better change me back now or I'll... Wait...JEREMY'S GONNA BE HERE SOON! Phineas: Not a problem, sis. We'll just put you both through the teleporter again. Hey, where's Perry? Uh, I-I mean Candace. I mean Perry in Candace's body. (Perry/Candace chatters) ♪ Dooby-dooby doo ♪ ♪ Ba dooby-dooby doo ♪ ♪ Ba dooby-dooby doo ♪ (In the backyard...) Phineas: I wonder where he scampered off to. Any ideas, Ferb? Isabella: What'cha dooooin'? Phineas: Hey, Isabella. We built a teleportation device and accidentally switched Candace and Perry's brains. Isabella: Really? That's so cool! Candace/Perry: You wouldn't think it was so cool if you smelled like this. Phineas: We're looking for Perry so we can switch them back to normal. Wanna help? Isabella: You betcha. Major Monogram: (off screen) Carl! How many times have I told you, lift the seat when you're done. Carl: (off screen) Sorry! Major Monogram: Oh, there you... Uh-oh. Carl, I think we have a breach of security. Carl: (off screen) What do you mean, sir? Major Monogram: There's a teenage girl in here. Carl: A teenage girl? (A fedora lands on Perry/Candace's head.) Major Monogram: Agent P, brilliant disguise! Carl: Man! I thought it was a real girl. (walks away in disappointment) (Perry/Candace chatters) Major Monogram: Now for your mission. Slushy the Clown statues have disappeared all over the Tri-State area. Without that clown, there's just nothing fun about lunch anymore. Major Monogram: Carl and I have lunch at Mr. Slushy Burger every day. ♪ Pickles so green and meat so brown ♪ (Carl joins in) ♪ Lunchtime's fun with Slushy the Clown ♪ We really miss that clown. (sniffles) So, ahem, drop whatever you're doing and find out what happened to those statues by lunchtime. Stacy: Candace? Hey, Candace! Awesome scooter! Hey, wanna come to Slushy Burger with my mom and me? Was that a yes or a no? Dr. Hirano: I don't know, but I like the hat. Stacy: Yeah, it's a good look for her. Candace/Perry: Come on, guys! Are you almost done? Jeremy's gonna be here soon. Phineas: Ferb's printing up the last one now. Looks great, Ferb. Candace/Perry: (reading from the flyer) "Lost platypus. Looks like a girl"? Why did you use that picture? I don't want anyone to see me like that. Phineas: That's the only picture we had. (at Isabella) Good job, Isabella! Isabella: Glad I could help! Candace/Perry: Aaaah! Now everyone will see that horrible picture! Phineas: OK, Candace, just stay here while we post these around town. We'll find Perry in no time. ♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪ ♪ Pickles so green and meat so brown ♪ ♪ Lunchtime-- ♪ Doofenshmirtz: Not anymore! (crash) Doofenshmirtz: A teenage girl? (Perry/Candace dons the fedora) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the teenage girl?! (pulls out a controller from his lab coat, pushes the button, and Perry/Candace is trapped in a platypus sized cage) Sorry about the tight fit, but, you know, if I knew you were going to disguise yourself as a teenage girl, I would've set a bigger trap. I'm suppose you're wondering why I have all these clowns, right? Well, you see, I've had that Slushy Burger jingle stuck in my head for, like, a week. You know, it goes like this. ♪ Pickles so green and meat so brown ♪ Lunchtime's fun with Slushy the Clown ♪ Oh, I hate that song so much, I've stolen all the clowns, and I'm going to rip their tape boxes out. You know, like you do. I'm going to replace it with my own evil jingle. I just have to finish writing it. I'm having a hard time finding a good rhyme for "evil," though, you know. Believe me, I've tried. Keevil, deevil, feevil, weevil... You know, none of these are words. Police Officer: You guys lost a platypus? Phineas: Yep. Police Officer: Officer 3323. Tell Charlie we have a 1091P. Yeah, it's a platypus. Looks like a girl. MIA. (at Phineas and Ferb) Don't worry, boys. After a nice lunch at Mr. Slushy Burger, the Tri-State area's finest will be on the job. Phineas: By the way, our mom's also missing her earrings. Police Officer: Which ones? The dangly topaz or the hoops? Phineas: The hoops. Police Officer: Oh, that's a shame. We'll get right on it. Candace/Perry: Mom, you won't believe what Phineas and Ferb did! Linda: What did they do this time? Candace/Perry: All you have to do is look at me! (doorbell rings) Candace/Perry: If that's Jeremy, tell him... I'm getting ready. I don't want him to see me like this. (doorbell rings again) Linda: OK, Candace, now what's so important? .... Hi, Jeremy. Jeremy: Hey, Mrs. Flynn. Is Candace here? Linda: Oh, she's still getting ready. You know girls. Have a seat. While you wait, I'll make you a snack. Jeremy: Oh, hey, Perry. Come up here. How's my favorite little platypus today? Candace/Perry: Oh hee- hee- hee- hee I mean... (tries to imitate Perry's chatter) Crowd: (reading the billboard) "Lost platypus. Looks like a girl." You know, that's insulting to the platypus. How are we supposed to tell if it's a girl? Linda: Why don't you watch some TV while you wait? Oh, hey. I've got some great baby movies of Candace. (baby cooing) Linda: Ohh! There she is in the bathtub. (bubbles gurgle) Oops! Little bubbles. Candace/Perry: (off screen) Mom! Remember what we talked about? My fifth-grade graduation? Linda: Fifth-grade graduation? What is she talking about? Candace/Perry: Ugh! (off screen) Just turn off the home movies! Doofenshmirtz: Meevil, steevil, cleavil.... As soon as I get this done, lunchtime will never again be fun. Oh, great! There's a rhyme! There's a rhyme, but, sure, everything rhymes with "fun." .... Ha! You don't have a tail any more. Now you are no match for me! But wait a minute. I-I-I can't hit a girl. .... Oof! Did you have that purse when you came in? .... Well, I'm out of here. .... What just happened? Linda: You're such a nice boy, Jeremy. I can why Candace built a shrine of you in her room. (laughs) Oopsy! I probably should've not said that. Thanks for feeding Perry while I look for my earrings. Jeremy: Sure, no problem. .... What's in this platypus food, anyway? Linda: Mostly worms and insect larvae. (Candace/Perry starts to barf then Linda puts her outside) Oh, Perry! Now I have to get the carpet cleaned again! Hey, maybe I lost my earrings while folding Candace's laundry. Why don't you help me look while you wait, Jeremy? Candace/Perry: Am I sweating milk?! Being a platypus is so gross! Doofenshmirtz: Wait, wait! I can't-I can't fight when you're dressed as a girl. It's so...como se dice... awkward. .... Look! Shoes on sale! .... Curse you, Perry the teenage girl! ♪ Agent P! ♪ (Perry/Candace returns with a Slushy the Clown statue back) Male teen: Hey! The girl missing her platypus found Slushy the Clown. Kids: Yay! Candace/Perry: This is horrible! Mom is inside, ruining my love life! (Perry/Candace chatters) Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. Candace/Perry: Great. Change me back now! Phineas: So this is how you went through the first time, right? You were holding Perry? Candace/Perry: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hurry! Oh! He's a lot heavier now. Phineas: I wonder if it worked. Candace: You guys are so busted! I'm telling Mom. Ferb: You might consider bathing first. Doofenshmirtz: I gotta get out of this! (grunts) Gah! Oh, dear. My old Shrinkinator. (sighs) I suppose I should've unplugged it before I turned it into a planter. Candace: Come on, Mom, hurry up! (at her brothers) You're busted. (The Shrinkinator hits the teleporter. Linda comes in) Candace: (With her eyes closed) See, see? It's right there! Linda: Oh, my goodness. (At this point, Candace is stunned) Did you make these? Phineas: Uh... yeah. Linda: (gasps) These are so much nicer than the ones I lost. (a fly buzzes and gets zapped by Linda's new "earrings") Phineas: Awesome. Linda: Thanks, boys. (at Candace) Close your mouth, honey. You'll catch flies. (Candace scowls as Linda walks out.) End Credits (Song: Perry the Teenage Girl) ♪ She's a semi-neurotic ♪ ♪ Teenage girl of action ♪ ♪ Dooby-dooby doo Ba dooby-dooby doo ♪ ♪ She's a feisty little redhead with a platypus' brain ♪ ♪ You best leave her alone ♪ ♪ She's playing MP3s on her phone ♪ ♪ And whenever she's around ♪ ♪ You can hear the bad guys say ♪ Doofenshmirtz: Great. Now I have this song stuck in my head. ♪ She's Perry, Perry the teenage girl ♪